Drowning Your Sorrows
by Dark Wolf Shadow
Summary: A request! Draco/Harry past, one-sided, its complicated! AU as of Book 5. I'm horrible at summaries, so I'll just leave you in suspense. Please read and review!


_This is a request for animeangel088. Its not my usual type of story, but what the heck. I hope you enjoy it._

_I apologize for it's shortness, but I've been under a lot of stress lately, as I just started college, and I really haven't had the time to write as lengthy of a chapter as I usually do for my other work-in-progress, __Unpredicted World__. I hope to have the second chapter out soon, but it may be delayed in favor of posting chapter 9 of my other story, and the nuisance that is college. _

_Oh, and this is a working title. Tell me if you have an idea for a better one. _

_I don't own Harry Potter. Draco does. _

_Edited by my wonderful friend Lindsey. _

**Drowning Your Sorrows**

**Chapter One: In Dreamless Sleep**

As unlikely as their relationship had been, Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy would soon celebrate their third year anniversary of their first kiss. Granted, that kiss was in the middle of a fight, but nevertheless it was the start of them. It was during their sixth year at Hogwarts when it happened. They had been avoiding each other basically all year until near Christmas, when they had gotten into a fight because of a snide comment Draco made about Harry not having a home to go back to. Harry retorted with a snap about Draco's father being in prison, and was promptly tackled. Somehow, during their wrestling match, Draco kissed him. And they both liked it. So, after avoiding each other for another few months, Harry took initiative and pulled Draco into a broom closet for a snog. And thus their relationship was born.

Throughout the war, they had to hide from everyone but their closest friends to protect Draco's position as a spy for the Light. At the end of things, the Gryffindor and the Slytherin came to an agreement on one thing: neither of them wanted to be Aurors anymore. They didn't want to fight. The war had ended in the winter of what was supposed to have been their final year of school. The majority of Hogwarts students had been able to stay at the school, and were therefore on track. Those that were involved intimately in the war, like Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco, were several months behind. Many of their classmates were in the same place, as Dumbledore had expected everyone in that year to assist as much as they could during the final months of fighting. Those who had been in the war were allowed to reenter the school. After rigorous tutoring that took from Christmas break to the start of February, they were able to rejoin the classroom and graduate with the rest of their class.

After graduation, Harry didn't really know what to do about his living situation. Harry had gotten a job teaching private Quidditch lessons, and working at a supply shop in Diagon Alley. Draco wanted to follow in his godfather's footsteps, so he was currently studying to gain his Mastery. Harry was going to be seeing little of Draco as it was, with his job and Draco's schooling, and he didn't want to miss out on valuable couple time by living apart. But he also didn't want to impose himself on his boyfriend by simply inviting himself over to stay at the Malfoy Manor. So he bought himself a flat in downtown London, and in his usual non-confrontational way, simply didn't mention wanting to live with Draco. So imagine his surprise when only a week after buying the flat, he came home to see Draco unpacking several suitcases.

"Dray? What are you doing? How did you even get in? I haven't made you a copy of the key yet." The black haired boy stared at the massive pile of suitcases, and even larger pile of clothes being shoved into his closet.

Draco simply smirked at him. "You forgot to ward it against every unlocking spell. Careless of you, but convenient for me. I'm moving in, of course. How else are we going to see each other?" Absolutely thrilled, Harry rewarded Draco that night. Of course, Harry was punished the next day by barely being able to walk, but it was worth it.

And now, after three years, Harry Potter stared at his boyfriend in shock. No- ex-boyfriend. "But- you- we-I-," he couldn't finish a thought. His brain had apparently left the building. Where had this come from? This wasn't like Draco! Was it something he did?

Draco Malfoy, in all his aristocratic glory, sneered back at him. All of his belongings that he had brought into Harry's apartment over the past year of living together were shrunken nicely in his left pants pocket. "And that's why I'm leaving, _Potter._ You can't even form an intelligent thought. You were just a fuck. An excellent fuck, but that's all. Pansy may not be a good lay, but she'll do. Goodbye, Potter."

"No!" Harry yelled. He grabbed Draco's arm to steady himself. His pulse was racing, and all of his blood seemed to be leaking out of his toes. His stomach was lurching, threatening to forcibly remove his lunch. "You can't leave, Dray! What am I supposed to do? Why? What did I do wrong? I can fix it! I swear, I'll fix it! I'll clean up more, I'll go to your fancy parties without complaining, I'll cook more! Please, Dray!"

Draco felt a twinge deep in his gut at the tears dripping down Harry's face. Why indeed? "She's got money, smarts, and she has a uterus to give me an heir. She's just better for me." Was he trying to convince himself, or Harry? He shook his head clear of these ridiculous thoughts. He was better off with Pansy, despite the fact that she was a complete whore, and had slept with probably the entire population of straight males in Hogwarts. Harry was still gripping his arm- tightly. He pried the long, tan fingers away. "Goodbye, Potter. It's been fun."

Harry let out a choked laugh. "Fun? Is that all its been? Draco, please! Can't we fix this? Why are you just giving up?" Draco ignored him. Harry tried once more, pulling out the last of his ammunition to stop this from happening. "Draco, I _love_ you!" he pleaded.

Draco started. Harry had said it before, but only once, and not as vehemently. The shorter boy had attachment issues, but was always too afraid to voice his feelings, whether it be a friend or boyfriend, so it wouldn't hurt as much when they left. Because for Harry, it was a "when", and not an "if". He again felt a stab of guilt at fulfilling his (ex)boyfriend's worst nightmare.

The sharp pop of Draco apparating away was a slap to the face.

After the abrupt departure of his (ex) boyfriend, the nineteen year old collapsed on his floor. He stayed there for several hours, tears pouring down his cheeks, harsh sobs tearing his chest, not moving, and staring at the door in hopes that Draco would walk back through and tell him it was just a cruel joke. The blonde didn't come back.

It was the culmination of all of Harry's insecurities. Being with Draco for so long had built up his confidence. His brief flings with girls at Hogwarts had ended badly, and cemented his belief that no one could love him. Harry had always had a fear of being abandoned. The emotional neglect of his relatives made him think that no one could ever love him. Loosing Sirius, and later in the war, Remus, made him realize that everyone he loved would leave him eventually. Draco had doted on him and cherished him and worshipped him, and made him believe that Draco loved him. Draco had never actually said the words, but then again Harry had only said them once. Draco had helped him cope with the loss of his godfathers, being called a murderer, and the emotional baggage he had. Had that chased him away? Did he not want someone as "high maintenance" as Harry? Was that the reason he left? Or was it simply because Harry was unlovable? Did Harry take things too far, when he told Draco he loved him? Or did he not say it enough? What did he do wrong? He thought Draco loved him back.

_**Flashback**_

Harry had not had the best of Valentine's days. All day, customers (of both genders) came into the store solely for the purpose of trying to make him their Valentine. He had thrown out at least 2 dozen pieces of paper with addresses written on them. To make matters worse, Draco hadn't been home that morning when he woke up. He would be gone until the wee hours of the morning working on a potion that needed 24 hour supervision in this stage of the brewing.

When the Boy-Who-Lived got to his flat, he wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with some ice cream and sulk. Blearily, he walked into the dark kitchen, not bothering with the light. He grabbed a spoon and his favorite tub of Triple Chocolate Fudge. The carton was open and he was sitting before he noticed the folded up note taped to the side. He frowned. Draco never left him notes, and certainly not hidden ones. It was very strange.

"Harry,

I know you're a little bummed out right now, but eating an entire tub of ice cream by yourself is not the answer, even though you could do with the weight gain. (Seriously, baby. Being able to count your ribs is not sexy.) Anyway, stop moping. Put the ice cream back in the freezer. I left a present for you on the bed, when I snuck away for a few minutes during lunch. I know we said no presents because it was too corny, but I couldn't resist.

Happy Valentine's Day, Love."

He couldn't help but coo "Draco!" like any person with a heart would. He did as ordered, and opened the bedroom door. The dark curtain had been drawn, blocking out any remnants of light outside. He flicked on the lights lazily. And his jaw dropped.

Draco was sitting on the bed. Smirking. And topless. "Hey, you."

"Dray?" Harry gasped. "What? I thought you had potions stuff really late!"

His boyfriend chuckled. "Nope. I wanted to surprise you, so I lied about how long it would take." Harry was still standing in the doorway, staring at him. Draco had to resist the urge to pout, to see how many seconds Harry could resist him. "Well?"

"What?" He was clearly not thinking.

"Aren't you going to come over here and unwrap your present?" Harry smirked, striding towards the bed, stripping off his shirt as he did. They shared a passionate, heady kiss, tanned hands feeling a pale chest, wandering towards the fine trail of hair hidden by the trousers. Harry struggled with the button, breaking for air as he managed to get it undone. He paused. His boyfriend was looking uncharacteristically nervous.

"Dray?" he mumbled. "Something wrong?"

He shook his head. "No. I-," he swallowed. "I haven't told you the best part of your present yet."

"Oh?" He fiddled with the other boy's zipper, making him flush.

Draco nodded, internally gathering up his pride and throwing it out of the metaphorical window. "You're topping."

Harry blinked. "Really?"

"Yup." The word popped loudly.

The green-eyed boy let loose a smile that was screaming 'predator'. And then he pounced.

_**End Flashback**_

Early on in their relationship, Draco had told Harry that he didn't bottom. Draco stated clearly that he shouldn't expect to top. Ever. But Draco had let him top, and not only that, but trusted him enough to have him be the first person the blonde submitted to. The times where the Malfoy bottomed were few and far between, but they happened. And Harry had no idea why, after they shared so much trust, Draco would just pack up and leave.

Harry went to work the next day, but he didn't smile, chat with the customers, or make small talk with his employer. He had to wash his face twice to hide the tear tracks from them all. On his lunch break, he drank a cup of water and stared at the blank wall until it was over. He wasn't intentionally starving himself; he just had no appetite. His employer noticed his paling skin, and the circles under his eyes, as well as his slowly declining energy, but didn't know what to do about it. How was a lowly shopkeeper to know what was wrong with the Savior of the wizarding world?

Every night, Harry cried himself to sleep, clutching Draco's pillow. He would wake up a few hours later, and just sit on the couch, staring at a picture of him and Draco. By the end of the first week, Harry lost 5 pounds. It was well into the second week after "The Incident" that Harry started feeling dizzy and light headed most of the time. Whenever he wasn't at work, he was on the couch, asleep. He couldn't stand to sleep in _their _ bedroom, alone. By the time he decided to end it for good, he had been without Draco for 18 days and had lost 23 pounds. He didn't realize this, as he had lost track of what day it was ages ago.

With a smile on his face, Harry wrote out his note, the large bottle of Dreamless Sleep potion beside him.

"To anyone who finds me:

I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore. My life is just so empty without him by my side. I can't live without him. I love him. But he deserves to be happy, so please don't tell him that he's the reason I'm doing this. He'd only feel guilt, and never be able to get past it. He doesn't need that. I pushed him too far, dealing with all of my problems. Now I'm finally solving them, for both of us. Its all my fault, so don't blame him, please. I drove him away. I loved him too much, or didn't tell him enough. It doesn't matter now.

Ron, Hermione, I'll miss you guys. You were always good to me, and there for me when I needed you. And I'm very sorry for leaving you like this. You were the first and best friends I've ever had.

Goodbye, Harry Potter."

Still smiling, he downed the entire bottle of potion, precisely 5 doses. Three at one time was enough to kill you, but Harry didn't want to risk it. He slid into the sweet darkness moments later.


End file.
